Crying

Crying is one of the most frustrating things I’ve tried to and failed at fixing.

I have a tendency to break out into tears at the most inopportune times.  It’s not even in response to criticism or anger towards me.  (In fact, compliments make me want to cry much more often). Maybe it’s just stress.

For example, I have been in situations where I have to give an important presentation.  I’m nervous, but otherwise completely fine during the talk.  Then when I finish and thank people for their time and attention, I start tearing up.  It’s horrible.  All I needed in order to save myself from embarrassment was a few more minutes – enough time to answer questions from the audience then walk back to my seat.  But I can’t hold them back.

I’m not normally an emotional person, so it always shocks people who know me. Fortunately I’ve gotten good at dabbing my eyes inconspicuously.  They aren’t tears of sadness.  Or of hurt.  I wish people didn’t associate crying with weakness.  I just want to tell them that it comes on its own accord, but it will pass in a minute.  Please ignore it.